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Fat Who, Me, Naaah!
by Sanjay Gora

What is 100 kg, nothing. And I am still e-i-g-h-t kilos away from this cute number. So, you can't call me fat by any means. However, the few extra grams that I have here and there, help me a lot. Apart from the clichéd but true line of 'there's more of me to make love to', there are other plusses of being healthy (envious people ask me kaun-si-chakki-ka-atta-khate-ho, and I don't tell them that whatever ready-made flour is available with free-gift  scheme is my kind of atta).

Take for example the day when I mildly hit a biker with the M-800 I was driving. It was just an unintentional soft-touch but it seems his bike was new and, bikers anyway are emotionally attached to their bikes. So we saw him speeding to our car with the intention to start a fight. He came on the window opposite the driver's seat and had a dekho at me. Now my profile does not look that cute while sitting on driver's seat, what with my double-triple chin and bounteous belly almost touching the steering wheel. So his look was not followed by an attack of abuses and warning. Rather the only words he could manage was " Pahalwan ji, thoda dekh ke chala karo." Now you know why I don't have any intentions of going on a diet or anything.

Then there is this car-pool I use to commute to office. There are 5 people in our pool. And more often than not, I end up sitting on the front seat beside the driver-seat. Why? Simple, on the back seat, three people have to sit together. Anyways they are not very comfortable sharing a seat meant for two. So, they don't want a healthy person like me make their commuting more difficult. Result is I end up enjoying a full seat for myself. Strange are the ways of car-pooling.

Have you ever squirmed at the way the rates are increasing at restaurants and dhaba. Not me. I go to dhabas and places where they have this wonderful thaali system. Eat till you want to. Now how can I not enjoy such a facility. A few extra servings here and there, some extra chapattis and rice and I get back triple value-for-money. Can you find a better example for this big management term. That I have to change my regular dhabas (they start asking for extra charges after some samples of my healthy diet) very often is a problem, but then every month you have new places opening up.

My looks and appearance have often resulted in many seniors calling me Sir, till they realize that this looking-50-behaving-40 guy is actually 36 only and placed at the bottom side in the organization chart.

I love children, and children love me. The fun part is that they don't expect any toys or chocolates from me. My unshapely looks and physique is enough to make them enjoy my company. And the extra topping on my belly is a bonus for them. So, no ab-crunches or sit-ups for me.

My wife gets compliments all the time for taking very good care of me and transforming me from a scare-crow to a baby-elephant. And she is now confident that I can't even think of extra-marital relations, as no girl will look twice at me.

So, moral of the story is a few extra pounds are fun. So don't worry be happy. 

16-Sep-2007
 
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